I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
