my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
