Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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