I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
