Joe is yelling at the trees again.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
