the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
