I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
