It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think my moral compass just broke
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