No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
