He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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