So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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