i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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