I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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