my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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