Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
