My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
