tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
