Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
