so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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