she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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