Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
