The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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