The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
