maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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