Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
