maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Houston, we have a squirter
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
