people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
