I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
