Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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