my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
