I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
