I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
