Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
