i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
