dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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