pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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