i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
