Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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