There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My vagina just recognized that song.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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