Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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