They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
