Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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