I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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