she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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