You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
