people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
