yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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