Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
