a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
