It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just pee around me
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
