Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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