I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
